It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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