I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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