At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
