True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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