im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Still dying that you shit outside
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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