halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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