Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
