In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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