Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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