Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
