Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
