whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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