My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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