do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
