sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just threw up on my dentist
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
