Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
