its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
