oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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