i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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