my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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