Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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