I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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