i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
