My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
