direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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