I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
