I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
