i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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