when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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