New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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