this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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