Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
