my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
