id be glad to
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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