Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
