If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
