I can text with my tongue
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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