Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
