we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Less talking, more tequila
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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