She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
