I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
