But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
