Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
farters have to be the big spoon...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
