Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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