im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
