so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
