I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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