Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
