I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
