My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
