I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
