He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
