i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
