Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
