my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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