I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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