Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
cat food counts as protein by the way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
