You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
