It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
