FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
