im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
