it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize