Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
