College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
