I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
