i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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