So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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