Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
