Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
