dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
