I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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