My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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