goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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