Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
