I bet he comes in French.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
