so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
