I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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