well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
