i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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