Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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