Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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